Get Rid Of Unwanted Party “Guests.”
I have a large deck (I said deck) and there’s nothing better than being out on it in the spring, summer, and fall in Chicago. There’s one thing that often ruins it — mosquitoes.
When those bastards show up, they’ll ruin your party faster than a drunk ex-boyfriend who gave you crabs. I am a mosquito magnet. All my friends know to sit next to me because mosquitoes love me. (Who needs a dog with “friends” like that?) Mosquitoes carry all sorts of nasty diseases: West Nile Virus, Encephalitis, Dengue Fever, Malaria, and Yellow Fever. Do you want a swollen brain? Take heed!
There’s a simple solution that works better than anything you’ve ever tried and it couldn’t be easier, cheaper or healthier to use. You just turn on a fan!
Buy yourself a fan that you can put on your deck or patio, turn it on and adios mosquitoes. It is amazing how well it works. No need for citronella or “OFF” if you’ve got a fan going. Here’s why it works:
1. They Can’t Land: It’s like creating a special little tornado—just for them! (It brings me joy just to type that…)
2. Mosquitoes Love It When You Breathe: Yep, every time you exhale you’re basically saying: “Here mosquito, mosquito, mosquito” because you’re emitting carbon dioxide — it’s like catnip for mosquitoes. I guess if you can hold your breath for an hour or so you won’t need the fan, but that’s likely to ruin your makeup. The fan disperses the carbon dioxide away from you…and then the mosquitoes lose all their attraction for you. (This is the one time I am happy to be dissed!)
3. Stop Your Sweating: Yeah, good luck on that one! Your sweat, which has lactic acid in it and your body heat are two other things that make you attractive to suck on…for the mosquitoes, at least. Guess what the fan does? Yeah, it cools you and helps evaporate that tasty sweat.
—You will probably need more than one fan if you’ve got a sizable deck or patio.
—If you buy the big industrial type floor fan, they work great, but they’re loud.
—You can buy an “outdoor” fan, but they tend to be more expensive. You can use indoor fans, but cover/put them away when we’re through. If you’re using an indoor fan outside, make sure you’ve got it plugged into a GFI outlet or you could electrocute yourself if the fan gets wet.
—If your deck is covered – an outdoor ceiling fan is a great investment.
Invite me to your next party, I’ll be a big fan, promise!
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