Peeing in the middle of the night? Sit the “F” Down!

Men!  Listen up!  If you’re anything like me and you might peeing in the middle of the night, so make it easy on yourself — sit down to do it! This is especially true if you live with women!   I don’t have any idea why they are so territorial and dictatorial (pun intended) over that toilet—but they are!  Make your life easy, sit the “f” down to pee in the middle of the night!

Peeing in the middle of the night
And Wear Your Own Underwear Too!

If you think about it, it is common courtesy to not disturb anyone when “you’ve got to see a man about a water bill”, right?  No one wants to hear a racehorse pee while they’re trying to sleep (just referencing how I think I sound! …).  Be considerate!   If you’re living alone and you want to pee on the walls, all over the toilet, on the floor, your feet — whatever.   But, if you don’t clean the toilet and you want to be a good mate, sit down at night.  Also, don’t flush the toilet if all you’ve done is pee—it makes noise when you flush—that can wait until the morning.  Experience tells me that no man is a good shot in the middle of the night – especially if you’ve been drinking.  Hellllooo….make everyone happy and if you’re that drunk, at least you’ve got a place to sit while you sleep instead of falling into the shower door.

Here’s the deal you make with women.  If you promise to sit down in the middle of the night—they promise to get off your back about putting the toilet seat down.  I don’t understand their logic about that.   They want you to put the toilet seat down after you just raised it to not pee on it?  Well, why don’t men ask women to put the toilet seat UP after they’ve used it—if they do that—it won’t get peed on!   I don’t understand women making men 100% responsible for them not sitting in pee!   Alright, alright…I got that out of my system.

Here’s the truth:  I’m going to admit that I always put the toilet seat and lid down after I use it; it’s good Feng Shui.  I’m so gay!   Putting the lid down supposedly stops your money from “going down the drain”.   I read that years ago and I was hooked. Honestly, a bathroom is much more inviting if the person before you puts the lid down.   Don’t EVER do that in a public restroom – you want to limit your exposure to other people’s germs when you’re out in public!   Another thing you also should do, if you miss the toilet and hit the rim, wipe it off with toilet paper.  No one wants to see if you’ve taken your vitamins today or not.  Wipe off the toilet rim.

So remember men, sit down to pee in the middle of the night!

Does anyone have a better suggestion?  Let’s here it!



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4 thoughts on “Peeing in the middle of the night? Sit the “F” Down!”

  1. Great advice Dean. I pee sitting down whether it is the middle of the night or during the day. A perfect way to “take 5” and not have to concentrate on aiming. And if I am using the restroom at night I can stay half asleep by not having to put the light on.

  2. And remember, there’s nothing “girly” about sitting. It takes a real man to sit on the can! Thanks Vince!

  3. I agree with putting the lid down on the toilet, also! It is not only good Feng Shui, more inviting, and keeps pets from having a sip of toilet water – it also prevents any micro-droplets of toilet contents from getting into the air in the bathroom (and from being deposited on your toiletries – think toothbrush!) Besides, this makes it fair for everyone living in a household – both men AND women have to raise and lower something every time they use the toilet.

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