Good Breath Advice

Bad breath is…bad.  No one wants to kiss you, they step away from you and you’re certainly not going to get laid any time soon with a mouth that smells of stench and rot.  I’m brutal, I know.  “If you are true to your teeth – they will never be false to you.” (Corny but true.)

Here’s my breath advice:

1. Brush: Start out by brushing your teeth at least twice a day. Most people don’t brush long enough – yes, that’s two minutes! – so I highly recommend you get an electric toothbrush to help you make the two minutes. They’re usually timed into 4 cycles of 30 seconds each.  You can get a great deal on either brand at Costco or any other warehouse store. They come in a two-pack there – which is really handy when you don’t live alone. If you’re living with someone, wrap a piece of electrical tape around yours so you’ll be sure to use your own toothbrush every time. If you’re too bored to make it the full 2 minutes of brushing, sit in front of the TV until the toothbrush turns off – but you will have to move it around some! Don’t forget to aim for the area behind your back molars. Most people don’t brush that area and it will cause you a lot of expensive and painful dental issues later.  And yet another helpful hint:  put the toothpaste on your toothbrush and do not wet the toothpaste!  Just start brushing. What will happen?  The toothpaste won’t foam as much and that will make you brush longer – they’ve done studies on it.  Try it.  Also, don’t run the water while you’re brushing your teeth, there’s no need.

2. Peppermint Oil: I use Peppermint Oil as a mouth cleanser/breath freshener. It works great!  It’s a natural anti-viral/bacterial that will shock the hell out of you the first couple of times you use it. DON’T use a lot. I mean it!  I buy the organic peppermint that is “fit for human consumption.”   Buy a small glass bottle with a spray cap and you’re good to go.  If the peppermint oil happens to leak out of the bottle while in your pocket – it will give your leg a burning sensation. To remedy that – after I fill it, I but a Band-Aid around the cap and bottle to keep the cap in place. Viola! Perfect (but ugly!). NOTE: Not all of my friends can take it – they gag and whine and complain – wimps. Most people do like it though – once they’re over the shock. When I put a few drops of the oil into my mouth – I breathe in a little too.  This really helps people who smoke not smell so bad.

3. Flossing: After brushing – you need to floss at least once a day. Floss after you’ve brushed because if you floss with crud in your teeth you’re likely to imbed any debris and you’re looking for an infection if you do that. I use “Glide” or any comparable brand because I have tight contacts between my teeth.  After brushing and flossing – rinse with mouthwash.  I like the green Listerene – but this may be getting a little excessive. Not sure if you have to rinse with mouthwash after all of that – but I want to disinfect my gums if I’ve caused any abrasions from the flossing.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are going to have oral sex with someone and you’re not 100% sure that they don’t have an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection)- don’t brush or floss before you “do the deed”. Just rinse with mouthwash or use breath spray. You don’t want your mouth to have any micro-cuts or abrasions from the brushing/flossing – it could create a portal for STI infections.  Some people hate to floss, I get it.  I use those little “brush picks” – the plastic ones with the furry ends.  My favorite brand is “The Doctor’s Brush Picks.”  They cost a little more, but I think they’re sturdier than most.  I keep everywhere!  In my bedstand, in the bathroom, in the car – keep using them and your dentist will think that you’re flossing!

4. Finally:  Everyone should have some sort of “breath remedy” with them – at all times! In your pocket, purse, car and next to your bed. – you need your breath spray – and so does everyone else. You never know when you are going to be in close quarters with someone or who you might need to kiss during the day.

AND…if anyone EVER offers you a squirt of breath spray, a piece of gum or a mint – TAKE IT!!! That’s the law!